so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
