Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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