a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So apparently I’m into choking now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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