Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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