When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
