Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
