fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
