And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
