ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
