when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
cat food counts as protein by the way
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
