I cockslap morals
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
