how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
