just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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