Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
