he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I could fuck to npr.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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