Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
