I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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