All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
