hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
