She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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