He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
