Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
