guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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