u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
