people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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