It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
