I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
