It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
