She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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