He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So vagazzling was a success
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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