And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
