she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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