One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize