I puked a lego.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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