I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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