I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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