Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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