Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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