if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
