if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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