Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
