I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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