dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize