I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
