i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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