he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
