I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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