We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
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So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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