he told me I talked like a deaf person
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
