Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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