I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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