youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
