Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
