this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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