At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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