im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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