I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
