But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
