I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
