i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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