A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
