So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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