He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i've created a new STD.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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