Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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