So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
